He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
