so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
