either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
