P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
