I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
