I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
