And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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