if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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