I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
