I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
