I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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