What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
