why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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