i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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