Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Mom said you looked used
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
