They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm jealous of your bromance
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize