did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
