explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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