Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
