I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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