Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
