i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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