When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
