dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
