He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
