watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
