I want to have your abortion
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize