if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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