I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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