It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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