Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
