I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
