a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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