this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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