my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
