Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
