I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
They have beer where we have blood.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
