Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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