Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
