My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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