dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
