Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sex in the backyard? Check.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
