i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize