youre lurking in front of me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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