Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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