This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
