I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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