Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
