i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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