I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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