i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
