remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
