You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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