You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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