Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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