Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
