Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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