Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
