sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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