My cat gives me a boner
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
