Will you blow on my dice?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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