Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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