I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
