I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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