I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
