im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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