Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
