I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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