GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
