Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
