R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize