tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude i'm inner monologue high
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
