At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
