I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
