bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
