i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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