If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
