The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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