The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize