Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
