By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
