I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
