do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
