***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
