Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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