I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
