A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
