she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize